'Apparently I Didn't Give Birth Because I Had a Caesarean'
"He said I shouldn't have received a 'birth certificate' because my son was extracted from me like a tumor." Have you ever been shamed for the way you gave birth?
Shortly after I gave birth to my son, I did what all new parents do: I lay in my hospital bed, woozy on undone, and messaged friends and family to let them know he was here and he was safe. One friend – a male, just for reference – asked me how the birth had gone.
“Not fab, I said… 36-hour labour that wound up with an emergency caesar, so it could have gone better.”
His response? “Haha. I knew you were too posh to push.”
Mum Shamed About Her Caesarean
Now, as I said, I was drugged up to the hilt and hormonal as hell, but still, his comment hit me hard. I already felt a failure for not being able to give birth “naturally”, and the idea that others agreed sent me over the edge. The “shame” I had over needing a caesarean – even though it literally saved my life and that of my son – took the best part of 18 months to deal with, but now I wear my caesar battle-scar proudly like the goddamn warrior I am.
But if my mate was a douche, this next bloke is a full-blown a-hole.
“So I had an emergency c section six months ago,” a woman posted on Reddit, before saying that one of her husband’s friends had recently asked if her son got a birth certificate. “I was pretty confused and replied with a yeah… Then he informs me I shouldn’t have gotten one because I did not give birth, my son was extracted from me like a tumour.”
“How are you still friends with people like that!?”
Wow. I mean, just… wow. I don’t know what I would have said. She admits she “did what I always do which is ignore him because I don’t deal well in those situations,” while the bloke and his wife just “snickered” at his joke.
Not surprisingly, the good people of reddit did not mince their words as seen towards mum shamed about her caesarean.
“Well Bob, (or whatever the f*ck his name is,” one began, adding, “Did YOU get a birth certificate when your mom crapped out a giant piece of sh*t and named it?”
LOL. Exactly. Others asked how she could possibly “still be friends with people like that?”
Most said she was entirely within her right to roundhouse kick the bloke out of her house. “There’s a simple response to this: Please leave my home, now, and never come back. You are not welcome here.”
Birth shaming never seems to stop, this mum shared her silent shame around caesareans, this new mum was shamed about her caesarean by a midwife, and this mum was shocked to be shamed by her own birth photographer. Of all people, these are professionals who are meant to be present in a woman’s most vulnerable moments, not come bringing judgement.
“You’re a goddamn rockstar!”
I get that everyone agrees the OP should have kicked the man right out, but I also get that not everyone has the capacity- I know I find it tricky to stand up for myself, especially when something hits so personal.
“I was in labour for so long and was actively pushing for like 3 1/2 hours but he was stuck,” the OP explained, saying, “Then to get made fun of, feels shitty… I guess I try to put up with him for my partner’s sake,” she continued, adding, “He unfortunately just makes excuses for him.”
This is when people really got their backs up saying that frankly, this was as much a husband issue as a friend one.
“Your husband needs to figure this sh*t out,” one said, continuing in a – frankly- EPIC rant, “You were f*cking BISECTED so they could REMOVE A HUMAN and you’re a goddamn rockstar and he needs to put on his big-kid undies and deal with this shitgibbon appropriately.”
I could not have said it better myself. Because she is a rockstar. We all are. It doesn’t matter if you push that thing out the front door, have it whipped out the sunroof or have a caesar by choice, like one very proud mama on the thread, who said she “strolled into her elected c-section surgery, pointed to her stomach and said, ‘I’d like to have this removed!'” YOU GO, GIRL!
Pregnancy is a marathon. Birth is a miracle. And ALL births deserve celebrating.
This post was first published on KidSpot and was republished on theAsianparent with permission.